Published: March 26, 2008 05:46 pm         

YESTER YEARS: If I didn't have enough to worry about ...

War, national debt, immigrants, Mormons, weather, aliens, UFOs, baseball druggies, the postal service, evolution, creationism, road signs, wild fires, teachers' and senators' liaisons, conservatives, liberals, Pakistan, bin Laden, stock market, football coaches changing teams, A-Rod's salary, Iraq, Iran, Syria, the economy, the price of gasoline, the homeless, outsourcing jobs, POWs and KIA, old age, the flu, water boarding, the Civil War, celebrities' latest remarriages, Katrina, snow storms, deer, wire tapping, the Patriot Act, global warming, taxes, and a few other nightmares I have had to suffer with.

Here comes the latest national worry — light bulbs. The Department of Energy will phase out the bulbs we have used for the last 125 years. This is in favor of using a new energy saving bulb that costs $5+ each. In 2012 to 2014, we will have to change bulbs. By 2020 the bulbs must be designed to use 70 percent less energy. Most incandescent bulbs cost + or - .50. All of these changes are designed to save us $40 billion.

It will save the government from having to build 14 coal fired power plants. This will save global warming of 51 tons of carbon emissions. If this is not priority number one, then you don't read the Alliance to Save Energy news letter. This is going to get us up to snuff with other countries. I bet our energy is in better shape than Iraq's. I have about 48 bulbs now and with all the savings, I will only have to spend $240 to replace these old time bulbs.

Like gasoline, the bulb manufacturers will have to charge more than $5 per bulb to meet FEMA, Homeland Security, Environmental, and Federal Mission Control standards. Factories don't retool without a small charge or add on. There will have to be a new agency to check homes to see if they are responding to the new bulb laws. I wonder if you have to go to prison if you have an old time bulb. I bet they will have drones to fly over your house to check your bulbs.

The next president will have to deal with this new upgrade. We could have a National Light Bulb Day to change our bulbs. Congress and the Senate will be under pressure to add a few pork bills and that is going to throw the schedule off, because it will have to be investigated and office workers will have to be hired to keep records of violators. Law books will have to be re-written to list the fines and jail time for people who sneak around and use old bulbs. Jumping from 50 cents each to $5+ sounds like a good deal to me.

According to my often miscalculations, since there are 300,000,000 of us now, not counting the illegal immigrants that crossed last night. Just think how this will stimulate our economy buying all those new light bulbs. At least the Department of Energy is giving us till 2030 to get new bulb perfect.

I wonder if they will have to build several new jails for those old bulb resisters. That will be another small charge and further stimulating our economy. We probably will have an I.D. card marked, New Bulb Perfect. This was well planned.

Source: Several government agencies involved in bulb changing