By Jan Boston Sellers / Chronicle columnist
May 15, 2008 05:07 pm
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Each week, my favorite late-night funny man, Jay Leno, does a segment called "Headlines." Headlines from actual newspapers are mailed to him by his viewers.
I have collected a few from readers I think you will enjoy. Read on for a few laughs.
•Grandmother of eight makes hole-in-one.
•Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing.
•Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
•House passes gas tax on to senate.
•Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan.
•Two convicts evade noose, jury hung.
•William Kelly was fed secretary.
•Milk drinkers turning to powder.
•Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted.
•Quarter of a million Chinese live on water.
•Farmer bill dies in house.
•Iraqi head seeks arms.
•Eye drops off shelf.
•Squad helps dog bite victim.
•Dealers will hear car talk at noon.
•Enraged cow injures farmer with ax.
•Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests.
•Miners refuse to work after death.
•Two Soviet ships collide — one dies.
•Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984.
•If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while.
•War dims hope for peace.
•Cold wave linked to temperatures.
•Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.
•Man is fatally slain.
•Something went wrong in jet crash.
•Death causes loneliness, isolation.
•Marijuana issue sent to joint committee.
•Man jumps off bridge, neither jumper nor body found.
•Lawyer says client is not that guilty.
•Alzheimer's Center prepares for an 'Affair to Remember.'
•Legislator wants tougher death penalty.
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Cumberland County school students will be dismissed for the summer next Friday. Students will attend school Monday-Wednesday with no school for students on Thursday and final dismissal set for 10 a.m. May 23. Graduation will take place next week for both Stone and CCHS seniors.
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Grammy-award winning artist Linda Davis will host Stage Performance 101 in Cumberland County June 16. Anyone interested in any type of stage performance (talent, church solo, pageant contestant, recording artist) may benefit from her class and the one-on-one instruction. Sponsored by Friends of the Park, the Snow Agency and Wilson and Associates, the training is designed to teach participants how to be more professional and comfortable on stage. Contact Paula Snow at (931) 261-4767 for prices and scheduling.
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You have until May 31 to sign your children up for CRYSA soccer. Students may register at Centennial Park. Call 788-6166 for more information.
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The class of 1978 will have their 30th reunion this summer. The event is set for Aug. 30 at the Armory. Log onto www.classmates.com for more information. Tim Blaylock is organizing this year's event.
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