Published: March 31, 2008 04:24 pm         

THEREFORE I AM: Ignorance is bliss only for "other" people

Is it true that ignorance is bliss? I can answer that right now. Yes. Absolutely it is true — for some, but it goes far beyond a simple yes. The "ignorance is bliss" approach to life is one of the few truly significant distinctions between people.

Either you are the type, or you know the type. If you are the type, you probably don't even realize it. After all, ignorance is bliss, and bliss is ignorance. My abbreviated desktop dictionary defines bliss as "perfect happiness." Dictionary writers don't throw around the word "perfect" haphazardly. Perfect happiness through ignorance? I can see how that might be appealing. For the "ignorance is bliss" crowd, the less you know, the happier you are. I can only presume that self-directed ignorance includes being totally unaware that, in fact, you don't know much. I suppose the ultimate achievement would be to know absolutely NOTHING and be off the chart on the happiness scale — like some sort of zero-IQ state of Nirvana.

As ignorance increases, so does happiness — it's called a direct relationship. If you are one of the "ignorance is bliss" people, allow me to apologize for explaining it to you and making you slightly less blissful. The opposite would be an inverse relationship — as your knowledge increases, your happiness decreases. Oops! I did it again. You must really be in the dumps now. You might need to stop reading and just go lie down.

I'm not sure what the statistical breakdown is, but I'd like to think that most of us are not the type for whom ignorance is bliss. Fortunately, it's easy to spot the "happy and ignorant" folks. They're the ones who, when you ask them a question, are relieved when they don't know the answer because, in their underworked minds, not knowing something means they're off the hook. Ignorance is not only bliss, but it absolves them of any responsibility whatsoever. These are the people who say "I don't know" 30 to 40 times a day.

"Ignorance is bliss" people are thrilled when they don't know something because it means less work. They're not concerned with the fact that they don't know something or that their knowledge base is lacking in some (or many) areas. They're happy because it means their ignorance has effectively brought to a close any chance that they might be held accountable for something.

The rest of us, the "information is bliss" people, are different. When we are asked something we don't know, we can't help but wonder why we don't know it. Instead of feeling happy when we don't know something, we feel bad, like we've missed something along the way. Maybe we're even a little embarrassed because we don't know something. It's an intellectual strikeout. The ball was right there in front of us, but when we reached back into the recesses of our brains, we whiffed.

What's the capital of Uruguay?

La Paz?

Take a seat, Sparky.

The "ignorance is bliss" person is more than happy to hit the bench after an intellectual miss. They're happy the pressure's gone, plus it gives them a chance to chat with friends and chew some gum. By contrast, the "information is bliss" person is maybe a little angry with himself and he vows to do what it takes not to miss that pitch again. A strikeout like that will bug him the rest of the day, and the first thing he'll do when he gets home is go to the globe.

Montevideo! I knew that!

As long as I'm mixing all of these preposterously stretched metaphors in the blender, let's add one more. You"ve heard the expression, "It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness." Obviously the "information is bliss" people are the ones flicking our Bics in this scenario. What I find interesting, however, is that the "ignorance is bliss" people don't even bother to curse the darkness, much less light a candle. They're more than happy to sit in a dark room, staring blankly into the void.

Is it terribly important to know what the capital of Uruguay is off the top of your head? Well, not unless you happen to live in Uruguay. What I think IS important, however, and it's a lesson I work to instill in my kids, is that ignorance is not an excuse. It doesn't absolve you of anything. All ignorance should do is highlight something new you need to learn, regardless whether you're 6 years old or 106 years old.

It's the difference between us and them.

David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@tds.net.